Are You a Perfectionist?
Do you beat yourself up when something isn’t done perfectly?
Are you hyper-critical of yourself or others?
Do you procrastinate to avoid failure?
Do you pour over details while failing to see the big picture?
Does your Inner Critic frequently show up, causing you distress?
Is it difficult for you to celebrate your wins?
Are you worried about being judged by others?
If you answered “yes” to most of these questions, you might be a perfectionist. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing to be detail oriented and like things done a certain way. However, it can be a problem when it becomes so negative that it interferes with our ability to experience happiness, peace, and joy within our life.
As a perfectionist in recovery, I have struggled with feelings of shame, guilt, self-doubt, inadequacy, depression, anxiety, and an overall lower sense of well-being. Perfectionistic tendencies can cause high levels of stress due to the immense of amount of pressure we place on ourselves. We can demonstrate other unhealthy behaviors as well such as isolating from loved ones and having emotional outbursts. We also tend to not trust others to complete tasks, so we take on more work than we can handle so that it gets done “right”. This can lead to feeling angry and resentful.
One common theme in the life of a perfectionist is having an all-or-nothing mindset, which can manifest in a number of different ways. Some perfectionists have unrealistic health goals. They might exercise so much that it leads to exhaustion and adrenal fatigue because they want to have the “perfect” body or be perceived as looking a certain way (which used to be me, by the way). Others take it to the opposite extreme and don’t get any movement or exercise at all because they are afraid of failure. In this way of thinking, if they don’t do something perfectly then they may as well not do it at all. An all-or-nothing mindset can also be applied to restrictive diets and/or binge eating. It can also hold us back from starting something new or trying to learn a new hobby because of the fear of not being good at it (and you are never good at something when you first start). Even procrastination is often perfectionism in disguise, unfortunately being labeled as “laziness” by others who do not understand.
So now that you know how being a perfectionist can negatively impact your health and life, what can you do about it? Well, just having awareness around it is a great start. Learn to identify the ways in which perfectionism rears it’s ugly head in your day-to-day life. Once you realize you are in a pattern of perfectionism, this is where mindfulness comes in. Mindfulness allows us to observe our thoughts without judgement. Through it, we learn that thoughts are just neural events that happen and eventually will pass. Our thoughts do not define who we are. When you recognize perfectionism has taken hold, try this mindful exercise:
Place one hand on your heart and one hand on your belly.
Take 3 deep breaths
Say, “I can let go of perfection. I am whole and complete just as I am.”
Eventually, you will learn to let go of the perfectionism more easily. It may never go away completely, but you can re-wire your brain to be more adaptive and less rigid. As you work on this, try to remember to give yourself compassion. There will be slip ups, days mindfulness doesn’t work, and week long stretches of overthinking and being in a perfectionistic mindset. If you need additional support in breaking through your perfectionist mindset, working with a board certified health coach can help. If you are ready to bring mindfulness into your life and change your perfectionistic thought patterns, schedule a free 30-minute consultation with me to see if we are a good fit for each other.
