Supporting a Loved One with Chronic Pain: 5 Ways to Help
Do you have a loved one who experiences chronic pain, but you have a hard time knowing how to support them? Or maybe you think you’re doing the right things, but there is still tension or conflict?
Chronic pain can be an overwhelming challenge, affecting not only the individual directly, but also those who care about them. As a Health & Wellness Coach specializing in chronic pain management, I understand the importance of a strong support system. So let’s explore five powerful ways you can provide support to your loved one. But before we dive into helpful tips, let's look at some eye-opening data on how your support can make a world of difference!
Recent studies have highlighted the significant impact that support from loved ones can have on managing chronic pain. In fact, research conducted by the Journal of Pain showed that individuals with strong social support experience decreased pain intensity and improved emotional well-being. Another study published in Behavior Research and Therapy found that patients who described their families as being supportive reported significantly less pain intensity, less reliance on medication, and greater activity levels. Your support can truly be a game-changer!
Now, let's delve into five practical ways you can support your loved one who experiences chronic pain:
Be an Empathetic Listener: One of the most valuable gifts you can offer your loved one is your undivided attention. Take the time to sit down with them, allowing them to express their feelings, concerns, and frustrations. Show empathy by actively listening without judgment. Your presence alone can bring immense comfort and help alleviate their emotional burden.
What not to do: Try not to offer unsolicited advice. When listening, it can be easy to go into fix-it mode and try to be helpful by offering advice. But usually what your loved one needs is just someone to hear their emotions and be present with them. If you want to be helpful, ask “how can I support you right now?” This gives them to opportunity to ask for advice if that’s what they want, or tell you other ways you can be supportive. Don’t be surprised if they say they’re just happy to have you listen and validate their experience and emotions.
Educate Yourself: Empower yourself with knowledge about their chronic pain condition. Seek reliable sources, such as medical websites or reputable organizations, to understand the nature of your loved one's pain. This will enable you to have informed conversations, ask meaningful questions, and better comprehend their experiences. By becoming knowledgeable, you can offer more effective support and help them explore potential treatment options. It also shows your loved one that you genuinely care about what they are going through. This small act can mean the world to them.
What not to do: Remain in the dark about your loved ones condition. This limits your ability to understand their experience or be helpful. It also sends the message that they are not worth the time or effort - whether that is your intention or not.
Offer Practical Assistance: Living with chronic pain often means facing daily challenges that can be physically demanding. Be proactive and offer your assistance with practical tasks. This may include helping with household chores, running errands, or preparing meals. By lightening their load, you provide them with the opportunity to conserve their energy and focus on managing their pain.
What not to do: Expect them to function the same each day. More than likely they will have good days and bad days. On the good days, celebrate they are able to participate more fully. On the bad days, have compassion and offer more help. This is worth repeating many times - ask them “how can I support you right now?”
Encourage Physical and Mental Well-being: Regular physical activity and engaging in activities that promote mental well-being are essential for managing chronic pain. Encourage your loved one to participate in gentle exercises or relaxation techniques that align with their capabilities. Offer to join them on walks, engage in mindfulness exercises, or explore activities they find enjoyable. Supporting their commitment to self-care empowers them to take control of their pain management.
What not to do: Leave them feeling alone in their self-care journey. Finding activities you both enjoy that promote well-being can make a huge differnce.
Be Patient and Flexible: Living with chronic pain often means that plans may change unexpectedly. Understand that your loved one's pain levels can fluctuate, impacting their ability to participate in activities or attend social events. Be patient and flexible, adapting plans as needed. Show understanding and assure them that their well-being is your priority. Your flexibility will help reduce stress and create a nurturing environment.
What not to do: Push them beyond their limits, which can increase pain and possibly cause a flare up. For example, you planned on a day at the zoo, but their pain levels spiked and they are unsure they can participate. Instead of being rigid and insisting on sticking to the plan, brainstorm ways you can still enjoy the day. Maybe the zoo has mobility devices, or if there is little accessibility available you can go on a picnic instead at your local park. As I mentioned earlier, there will be good days and bad days. Remaining flexible is an act of compassion.
Bonus Tip: Take Care of Yourself: Being a support for someone experiencing chronic pain can quickly become overwhelming. The saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup” rings true here. Make sure you have a wellness plan for yourself that includes daily self-care and regular social support. Take time for yourself doing activities you enjoy, have healthy habits in place, and use professional help such as therapy or coaching as needed. My free 7-Day Wellness Challenge is a great place to start.
What not to do: Run yourself into the ground trying to care for others. This isn’t helpful for anyone. It leads to burnout, resentment, and frustration. Work together to have a plan in place so both you and your loved one can live a happy, healthy, fulfilling life.
Supporting a loved one with chronic pain is an act of love and kindness that can make a world of difference. By being an empathetic listener, educating yourself, offering practical assistance, encouraging physical and mental well-being, practicing patience and flexibility, and having your own wellness plan, you can help your loved one navigate their pain journey with grace and strength.
Remember, your support has the power to reduce pain intensity, improve emotional well-being, and enhance their overall quality of life. By embracing your role as a source of comfort and understanding, you become an invaluable asset in their journey towards managing chronic pain.
If you need support in managing your own wellness while helping a loved one, fell free to reach out to me. I offer free consultations to anyone looking to increase their life satisfaction and well-being through a healthy lifestyle. Just click below and it will take you to my calendar.
Resources
López-Martínez, A. E., Esteve-Zarazag, R., & Ramírez-Maestre, C. (2008, January 21). Perceived Social Support and Coping Responses Are Independent Variables Explaining Pain Adjustment Among Chronic Pain Patients. The Journal of Pain. https://www.jpain.org/article/S1526-5900(07)01028-0/fulltext#secd93525889e250
Jamison, R. N., & Verts, K. L. (n.d.). The Influence of Family Support on Chronic Pain. Behavior Research and Therapy. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/000579679090079X
